Hey Boo's Hey,
Welcome to my little corner of the web if you are new and if you aren't, thanks so much for coming back to see me. Please sit down and get comfy, there's wine in the fridge. Now we all know, well, many of you all know that I am engaged. YAY! It has been such an exciting experience, and this journey is like none other. One thing that I have been taking extremely serious is completing a deep dive on me as an individual, figuring out what my toxic traits are, and learning how to love my fiance properly. I am not one to say I know everything because I don't; however, I wanted to share what I have been working on within myself during this engaged season.
I could have never imagined being where I am today. My sister and mom can attest to the fact that I have always been against marriage; it just was never on my radar—a husband, who needs that I can wait until I'm in my fifties. Children, oh, please spare me. I would rather spend my money on clothes and travel the world. But God has a sense of humor, and life has a funny way of working out. Here I am engaged, eager to be someone's helpmate and partner, and I can't wait to have a little person to chase around one day. I may not speak on it so often, but marriage is something that I take seriously, and when I think too long and hard about it, I feel myself getting emotional. I mean, the universe has thought enough of me to send me someone just for me, and because of that, I cherish the opportunity. I always hear marriage is hard work, which I do not doubt I have watched my parents who have been married for twenty-eight years go through their ups and downs. Because of marriage being this grand Dios thing, I wanted to ensure that I am the best that I can be as an individual.
I owe a lot of my self-awareness to therapy. Therapy has taught me new ways to dissect what happens in my life, process it, and then move on. Dealing with past traumas, hurt from my previous relationship, anxiety, depression, and whatever else this crazy world has thrown at me. Granted, I have been going to therapy for the past two years, with only being engaged for nine months; it has allowed me first to become a better girlfriend, fiance, and future wife. One of the major topics we discuss in therapy would be first my anxiety/depression and my perfectionism. I learned that these things could play such a critical role in your relationship. My fiance is one of the most patient individuals I have ever met in my life. When I first met him, I would always describe him as gentle to my close friends. Despite my constant need for reassurance, crying spells, or quick agitation, he has been open to me navigating through my healing, even at times when it may have been at his own expense. Going to therapy has allowed me to open up in ways I have never done before, apologize when I am wrong, become more vulnerable in our relationship, and quiet that little voice in my head that would tell me this is too good to be true. I can love Dwayne in ways in which he deserves, be more supportive, and accept him for who he is, regardless of my unrealistic expectations of what I initially thought love to be. Love is such a pure, complicated, layered, act of service, but it has been one of the most enjoyable rides of my life. I will keep you guys posted as I always do.
With nothing but f*ckin love,
CarrieSierra